A new lighting adventure

I'm totally into light. That's a fact I repeat in almost every entry, but I've been out of the lighting world for so long, it seems ages. It's been more than a year since I went back to Sweden to present my thesis, and met my friends that were totally into light like me, and it's almost a year since I stopped working because I hated here money was the important thing, not new ideas, nor lighting queality, but complete business.

Anyways, it's been ages since I felt into the light world, because reading about it is not the same as being totally immerse. Reading about it is as walking in the beach, making your ankles wet, you enojy it, and it's fine, but it's a greater sensation to get into the sea with a friend a play in the waves.

I might get in the sea tomorrow, and for a whole week.

Tomorrow begins a workshop in a city near mine, and then some conferences will follow. I'm not so sure about the workshop. I compare it to the Alingsas workshop I went to when I was in Sweden and... just by the organisation, and how I felt before, well... not the same at all. I think it was because in Alingsas I expected nothing, and all of us were totally enthusiastic about it, we got the last places, and even found a cute cabin for spending the night as no room in the hostel was available and the hotel... I don't remember if it had room, but it was really expensive... and we were 5, 4 in the little cabin and a fifth friend who booked long before us. (He was into light long before us). Right now everything is different. I am in a hotel reccommended by the workshop, which is not what I expected at all, and it flood with fluorescent cool light that makes me feel kind of strange, kind of with a headache, I know almost nobody, I came by bus, and I know one of the organisers and one of the head designers... and just by the fact that I'll be in a workshop or in conferences, makes me miss my lighting friends so much... but nobody will be in here, everyone will be in Europe, Asia, or US, and I totally understand that. I'm looking forward for the PLDC in Copenhaghen next year.

Talking about PLDC, PLDA was the one who sponsored me the workshop, so thanks to them, I'll be writing you about it, (and also thanks to my parents).It is called Queretaluz, it takes places in Querétaro, a city near my city, (Mexico city), and it is beginning tomorrow.

I'm excited, and scared at the same time. Hope everything goes wonderful, regardless all the but's I have.

So... I'll be writting tomorrow, if I'm not too tired, and post some pics. (This reminds me, I have to put my camera in a pocket).


To fight or not to fight

I feel I'm being repetitive right now. But things have been happening lately that make me wonder. To fight or not to fight, to be or not to be. Maybe I should read Hamlet again to see how everything is solved, though if my memory is not that bad, it's not a happy ending.
It's been too long, but really too long since my last formal job. I have a bit of money, but by November I'll have no money at all. I believe in dreams, and wishes, and hopes, and doing everything for life improvement and fighting for that you think is fair, or you really, really want, never for money, but now I realise money is remarkably important.

I feel filthy just to think about selling my dreams in order to eat, buy stuff, go out, travel or see friends... but I also feell as a parasite at my parent's letting them support me. Everyone tells me not to worry, everyone tells me something will come, everyone tells me things will be ok, but at the same time, i just see I have no money and I don't want to be someone drawing in front of a computer all day long, and it seems i'll have to be.

Today a friend told me to work as an assistant for an old lady who is moving.

Today I found this phrase that moved me in Swissmiss: “You are responsible for the things you help put in the world. If you do not think something should exist in the world, do not participate in it.”

- Mike Monteiro

I don't know what to do. I think I'll begin looking for something in November, but what to do until then? How to pay the expenses in the workshop? What to do? 

Oh, btw, I was fired from a virtual magazine in which I wrote for free, which is completely strange as it's the second place in which I see asskissers are prefferred to people who deliver. When I said bye to some, a guy, which is still in the FB group (I was erased before they told me not to write anymore), told me he thought he was out of the group as well because he hasn't written nor gone to the group in months. Which is fascinating, because I could see he was still a member though he abandoned everything long, long ago. 

So... shall I keep on fighting against myself, or against everyone else?


"Life's too short for the wrong job"

I've just seen this image from a publicity campaign for Jobsintown.de with the slogan "Life's too short for the wrong job" in here. I've seen it before, many times. I love it. I've even sent an image to a friend, and I have always defended that, but... now... somehow... it hit me. 

I love light. I think I've made that clear long time ago. There's something about lighting design that I feel really happy working with it. And I mean lighting design, not just formulas that have been applied to every product that gets to the office. I love talking about light, watching stuff... I feel passion. I become excited, my eyes become brighter... for some moments, it's even better than being in love with someone. But, I'm afraid I should leave this soon. 

Last December was the last time I was working in an office. December 9 the last day. I've been trying to be on my own since then. First I got really sad, then I thought now or never, things have been fluctuating between those two. 

In July I decided it was too much, and I was running out of money, so if nothing happened, I would be searching a job in September, even though I wouldn't want to be in an office for more than 8 hours a day, not being able to have a bit of daylight, doing projects I don't like, from people who don't care, and earning too little a month (average for this is around 750USD per month). 

I broke the ligaments of my right ankle, so I was not able to apply for any job until I could walk again. I had a meeting and I got excited and thought it was fantastic, but I wasn't called back after telling them how much I would charge. 

Then I got lucky and got an pass to a workshop and a series of conferences, everything about light, taking place in a city near mine. I am so excited about going. So, so excited. I haven't been in contact with the lighting world for so long (just my own individual world and talking with friends from KTH, but it's not the same as before). I'm excited about it, but it has also become a bit of a problem as I need money for the hotel and meals and I have not enough. I could ask my parents, but... why do I have to ask my parents for money? 

And again, with this in mind, I've decided again to seel my life for 750 USD per month, sell my dreams, my ideas, my ideals. Begin looking for a job on November, when all this is done, if I don't get something big enough before. It will always exist this "if", as I wouldn't want to deny my dream a last chance. With this decision taken, I come home and decide to stumble a bit, and find this image that makes me think again.

Should I keep pursuing my dream, not caring about my economical future? or should I look for a job selling myself for some money? Is life really too short for the wrong job?