It's been too long, but really too long since my last formal job. I have a bit of money, but by November I'll have no money at all. I believe in dreams, and wishes, and hopes, and doing everything for life improvement and fighting for that you think is fair, or you really, really want, never for money, but now I realise money is remarkably important.
I feel filthy just to think about selling my dreams in order to eat, buy stuff, go out, travel or see friends... but I also feell as a parasite at my parent's letting them support me. Everyone tells me not to worry, everyone tells me something will come, everyone tells me things will be ok, but at the same time, i just see I have no money and I don't want to be someone drawing in front of a computer all day long, and it seems i'll have to be.
Today a friend told me to work as an assistant for an old lady who is moving.
Today I found this phrase that moved me in Swissmiss: “You are responsible for the things you help put in the world. If you do not think something should exist in the world, do not participate in it.”
- Mike Monteiro
I don't know what to do. I think I'll begin looking for something in November, but what to do until then? How to pay the expenses in the workshop? What to do?
Oh, btw, I was fired from a virtual magazine in which I wrote for free, which is completely strange as it's the second place in which I see asskissers are prefferred to people who deliver. When I said bye to some, a guy, which is still in the FB group (I was erased before they told me not to write anymore), told me he thought he was out of the group as well because he hasn't written nor gone to the group in months. Which is fascinating, because I could see he was still a member though he abandoned everything long, long ago.
So... shall I keep on fighting against myself, or against everyone else?