A bit of a mess

From time to time, I tell myself I'll begin writting frequently. I'll write about lighting and things I find interesting. The problem is... well, there are in fact two problems: lack of motivation and lack of words. Lack of motivation because I find so many stuff in the net that looks so interesting and I set up by posting those interesting things on my fb wall. (Orquidea Vara Iluminación). I think that if I post something in my blog, it should be something more than images or info, something that would make this mine, and the only thing I feel mine are my thoughts, though many are from others, I think I can arrange them in my own singular way.

As the tittle suggests, my life is a bit of a mess right now, but I think it usually is, and there's not much wrong with it. There are just few things of which I am certain. I love ligth, and I love to work with light, going t meetings, thinking in projects, reading about it, and thinking every time in something more about light, like a possible new luminaire I'll make when I've got some money, or how wonderfull/terrible a project is, and learn from everything I see. I love light, and that's one of the few certainties I have.

My life is a bit of a mess. I'm not so self confident as for selling myself as a brand perfectly well so job isn't going as well as I thought. Heart's not perfect either, but I don't see my life as a chick flick. And the good news is that I'll be able to walk again soon (I hurt my foot like a month and a half ago), and my family is with me, no matter if I'm too annoying and invasive, or I just can't move.

I can't complain about my life. It's just... a bit of a mess and I wish I knew now to untangle it.

Do you remember Disney's Alice in Wonderland? I think I kind of feel like her right now. I'm not saying that I want to go to a tea party, drink from bottles I don't know the content or follow a rabbit. I feel as lost as she does on some point in the movie, where she is following a path that is suddenly erased, and she can't go back either. That moment, that specific moment, before she meets the flowers, I feel that way. I don't know where to go, or which path to follow, I can't even see a path anymore nor go back my steps, but I know I don't want to be here, I know I want to be somewhere else, and I know where. I just... don't know how to get there.

I'll figure everything out soon. I just need to get out. This non walking period in which my world has been significatively reduced is messing up with my mind. I need to go for a walk. Maybe in a month.

Finally a Master!!!!

I haven't written for so long... So sorry, dear blog I abandoned you for some weeks. I've been bussy, really bussy, either preparing my trip, either enjoying it and too tired as for writting something. But now, back home, I can do write again.

So... good news: I am a MSc ALD Arch, which means... I'm a Master in Science in Architectural Lighting Design Architect. Isn't that just amazing???? I'm so happy about it.

It was a huge trip, in which I learnt lots of things, not just about light, but about traveling, and a lot about me. I'll write about the lesson learnt each day, if possible, in my next posts.

For now, I can just say I am happy, really happy, and somehow I feel so... different and at a time just the same. I feel more peacefull and light but full at the same time. I feel I've taken the right path and I like it. I feel special and so normal. I like this, I like it a lot.

What have I learnt?

Feelings are important, and if able to provoke them with lighting design, what could be best?
Dream, dream a lot, unreacheable dreams... and reach them, and then... keep dreaming, everytime more and more, higher and higher every time. (You'll feel fantastic about it, just amazing)

Hungry for your touch

This is a photograph from the great Czech Jan Saudek (one of my favorite photographers) called "Hungry for your touch". I have it as wallpaper in my lap. I took it off when I wen to Sweden, thinking it would be a bit too painful to have this pic when my family and bf were in the other side of the world. Nevertheless, after a while I put it again, as I think it's so beautiful, poetic and inspiring.
Yesterday, back at home since long, I was thinking in the touch, in how much I wanted, needed to be touched and how little we touch people. I'm not talking about being touched as when you are with your bf, but... being touched. I love touching people, and I'm always doing it. I hug a lot, am always bothering my parents and sister, going over them, crushing them, kind of choking them with love, hahaha, but... it's not common.
Sometimes I feel i need to be touched, and I thik people all around the world feel the same from time to time. I'm not talking about hugs and kisses, but a hand in the shoulder, the kiss in the forehead, or just a small touch saying "I care about you".

A big hug,
Orquidea

Ps. Check Jan Saudek's pics, his manage of light and color, and concept... well... he's just amazing.

Light me a light

Lately I have been doing something I shouldn't be doing, cause it makes me sad and confused: I've been watching news.

I look all around me, and listen to stories about my country, I receive mails telling me how to protect against being kidnapped or robbed, I turn on the TV and see news such as revolutions and protests and disasters all around the world.

A year ago, when a friend was leaving, I gave her a candle light, small and yellow. I also gave her a chocolate I took from Mexico, and a small letter. The letter was to tell her I missed her. The chocolate to sweaten her life, and the candle light to light her way, to brighten her future. A nice metaphore for wishing her all the best now that we would come appart and who knows when would we be meeting again.

A candle, a light. So many things to be said with a single light surviving and giding us on the darkest nights, in the darkest moments, just a single and tiny light to have hope and trust in the future.

I want to see that light. I'm tired of so many sadness in the world. What is happening? I wish there could be a light, a light we could all see that anounces us a better world, a better future, the so desired happy ending. I guess it would be nice if we could all, just turn on a light.

I leave you a poem I love from Barak Al'Mondia: Light

Light me a light any kind of light,
Just shine its beam into my darkest night,
For like a child I stay up in fright,
So light me a light any light tonight.

Candlelight, moonlight any light is just right,
For in that light I might find my might!
Don’t sing me a song, don’t hold me tight,
Just light me a light, any light tonight.

Light me a light to assist my sight,
Just my naked eye darkness cannot fight,
So before darkness gets a chance to bite,
Light me a light any kind of light.

Flickering, glaring or outright bright,
I don’t care what kind just light me a light,
All I need is darkness away tonight,
So light me a light any kind of light.

so... please, light me a light, any kind of light. Light the world a light... any kind of light.

hugs and kisses,

Orquidea

In love

Yesterday, I realised that I was in love, but not just in love, so deeply in love and I haven't made a wrong decision. I'm talking about light and lighting design.
I still don't know if I am a lighting designer, although I think I am, but I've got trouble with titles and names (such as architect, I got my degree in which says I am an architect in 2008 and I still can't even sign my mail as Arch. Orquidea Vara and it's 2011!)
The point is I am totally into light, and I haven't really realised it, until lately.
The first clue was like a month ago when I saw several lighting fixtures in some catalogues and I found them  so pretty... and I have never thoguht that of any lighting fixture... a luminaire or two... maybe... I was totally in love with Double bouble by Eero Arnio, and found others quite nice and funny, such as the Pixar lamp, but I never just felt a lighting fixture such as the ones you could find at stores could be so beautiful, until some months ago... looking at a catalogue.
The second clue was looking for the lighting design in every single place I go, and movies I see. Before, I used to see the story, after studying photography I usually saw the photography and composition, and now I find myself looking for the lighting design of places in the movie, or the luminaires or similar stuff.
The third clue was looking for a nicely designed restaurant for trying something new. I look for great lighting in order to have great food.
And the last clue... I realised i could spend a whole day looking at the daylight variations reflected in a celing, through a courtain or blinds, just noticing the movements and color changes. Well... maybe not a whole day, but a big amount of time... yes.
So... I might not be able to understand all technical stuff or everything I read on JimonLight.com, but I know I'm in love with light I want to continue on this pad.

hugs and kisses!!!
Enjoy the spring!!!

Palabras / Words

Algunas veces las palabras son importantes, otras veces, sobran. Hay ocasiones en que es bueno leerlas y escucharlas, otras es genial escribirlas, aunque nadie las lea. Hay palabras que alientan y otras que lastiman. Incluso la misma palabra que te puede hacer sonreir, te puede hacer llorar en otro. Yo creo en casi todas las palabras, sólo hay algunas que me es difícil creer. "Te amo" se convirtió en cliché y una palabra linda para leer en libros e internet, pero me cuesta trabajo creerlas. "Te quiero" las sigo creyendo, pero cada vez duelen más. Probablemente, las palabras dejen de lastimar, y vuelvan a adquirir el significado inicial. Espero eso sea pronto.

Quiero creer en las palabras de nuevo!

Sometimes words are important, other times, they are useless. Sometimes it is good to read them and listen them, and others it is great to write them, even if nobody reads them. There are words that encourage you and others that hurt you. Even the same word that can make you smile, can make you cry. I believe in almost everyword, there are just some that are difficult for me to believe. "I love you" became a cliché, and a cute phrase to read in books and internet, but it is hard for me to believe. I still believe in "I like you", but it hurts more every time. Probably, the words will stop hurting and acquire its initial meaning. I hope that to be soon.

I want to believe in words again!

Día de Muertos Cd.Mx.

Hoy casi lloro. Demasiados estímulos visuales. Demasiados estímulos sonoros. Demasiados estímulos olfativos. Temperatura agradable que te incita a sentir todo alrededor, y vida fluyendo desde todas direcciones y hacia todas direcciones.

Ironía. La noche en que regresan los muertos a disfrutar, es una de las noches más vivas del año. Halloween se ha fundido con el día de muertos, con niños por las calles disfrazados pidiendo su "calaverita" y personas disfrazadas de esqueletos o muertos, cosa que me pareció sumamente horrorizante y sorprendente a la vez, ya que no muchos buscaban parecerse a estereotipos estadounidenses, con esa imagen, y colores, sino eran esqueletos, muertos, calaveras, elementos que te asombraban y asustaban porque te podías sentir identificado, ligado a ellos por algún vínculo ténue e irreconocible que no sabías existía.

Esqueletos jugando juegos tradicionales, ofrendas a personajes de historietas, y comida en forma de huesos. Colores y luces por todos lados, gente y movimiento.

Soy tan feliz de estar este día en México, de ver todo esto pasando a mi alrededor y ser parte de ello. Puse una ofrenda en mi casa. Esta noche creo que esperamos invitados. Nuestras tradiciones no han muerto, ni se han confundido, sólo hemos hecho lo que siempre hacemos con todo aquello que importamos: tomamos lo que nos agrada, lo adaptamos, y lo adoptamos.

Today I almost cry. Too much visual stimulus. Too much sound stimulus. Too much olfactory stimulus. A nice temperature that encourages you to feel everything around you, and life... life flowing from every direction towards all directions.

Irony. The night in which the deads return to enjoy, it's one of the liveliest nights of the year.

Halloween has melt with Día de muertos, with children everywhere in disguise asking for their "calaverita" (no trick or treat in here) and grown ups disguised of skeletons or deads (no zombies), thing that for me was horrifying, and surprising at the same time, as not many looked for looking like American stereotypes, with their visual culture. They were skeletons, deads, skulls, elements that horrified you and amazed you because you could feel identified, bounded to them by some strange link, almost invisible and unrecognizable that you didn't know existed.

Skeletons playing traditional games, ofrendas to comic characters, and food in form of bones. Lights and colors everywhere, people and movement.

I am so happy of being today in Mexico, of watching all this happening around me and be part of it. I put an ofrenda at home. This night I think we expect some guests.

Our traditions are not dead, nor confused, we have just done what we always do with everything we import: we take whatever we like from it, we adapt it, and then adopt it.